Five Essentials Steps for Real Life Change (Guest Post)

If you follow me on Facebook, hopefully you were able to join in Winter: A Journey of Stillness.  Together, we took ten days to start the new year by quieting our hearts and listening for what God had to say to us about our new year.  You may have felt a prompt to make some life changes, and if so, my friend Elisa’s thoughts for us today will be right on point.

Five Essentials Steps for Real Life Change (Guest Post by Elisa Pulliam)

 Do you know what the secret is to experiencing real life change?

Oh, yes, there’s a secret. It’s not a magic pill. Nor is it something that you should hire someone to accomplish for you, although that would be ideal. It’s not even something that you can demand of God, although submitting to Him will make the process a whole lot easier.

The secret to real life change begins with the “ah-ha.”

What’s an “ah-ha”?

As I learned through my life coaching training, and have come to see time and time again in my own life along with working with clients, the secret to real life change happens when we we reach the magical “ah-ha” moment. It’s in that moment when we discover the heart of the issue and our part in it, with a desire to own the next steps. That’s because most of what we perceive as a dead-end, stuck-in-a-rut reality is not as hopeless at we think it is. We can change our approach. We can embrace a new mindset.

 

While we may not be able to “heal thyself”, we can certainly choose an attitude that lines up with a eternal perspective as we move through treatment.

We might not be able to change others’ behavior, which is causing havoc on our personal life, but we can choose a response that reflects the heart of Christ and the truth of Scripture.

We might not be able to erase the past, however we can move towards seeking God to heal our wounds and give us a new way of thinking that is in line with His Word.

 

See, the real life change we crave is often a matter of embracing a biblical mindset over focusing on our circumstances — that’s because most of our circumstances are out of our control.

 

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While there are limits in what we can do to change the circumstances of our lives, there’s nothing stopping us from inviting God to change our character and countenance as He accomplishes His purposes in us and through us.

 

It’s a process of real life change that starts with harnessing the “ah-ha” moment momentum and then moving forward practically and purposefully in what I call the 5 Essential Steps for Real Life Change:

 

  1. Identify What Was and What Is: Clearly articulate the circumstances, mindset, and habits that need to be changed, even pinpointing how it all came to be, along with the “ah-ha” moment that invites real life change. Write it down as a reminder in the future.
  2. Count the Cost: Prayerfully consider what the cost is to not move forward in real life change. Consider what will happen if you stay “as is” compared to take the sometimes uncomfortable and scary steps forward.

  3. Own the Obstacles: Consider the obstacles that made change impossible in the past and may make it challenging in moving forward. Own your sin and be honest about temptations, as you make choices about what to do differently.
  4. Prepare to Persevere: Brainstorm ways to seek help and accountability for moving forward. Set a goal date or a “check-in” date to have a finish line, or lap marker, to press on towards.

  5. Take Action with Accountability: Share your desires to change with someone who is willing and able to support you in prayer and through asking honest, grace-filled questions. A life coach can serve you this way, most definitely, but so should a friend or a spouse.

 

 

God’s sustaining, transforming power is available to you, my friend. He’s just waiting for you to say “yes” to His sanctifying, abundant life-giving invitation.

Would you like practical and biblical encouragement in the process of real life change? Consider Meet the New You and the companion online course, Infuse: A Soul-Strengthening, Life-Changing Encounter with God.

 

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Elisa Pulliam is a life coach, coach trainer, author of Meet the New You, speaker, and life-long mentor passionate about seeing women experience authentic life transformation for the sake of impacting the next generation. Her mission as owner of the Kaleo Agency, a life coaching and leadership development company, and as founder of moretobe.com, a ministry passionate about training and equipping women to mentor, is fueled by God’s redeeming work in her life and twenty-plus years in youth and women’s ministry. She counts it a privilege to connect with other women online and in real life, and strives toward savoring each moment with her husband of 20 years, Stephen, and with their four tween and teenage children.

 

Prayer Changes Everything

Prayer changes everything.  I’ve said this with my mouth for years, but it’s finally beginning to sink into my heart.  Recently, I’ve had an ongoing interaction with a fellow believer that’s grating on me.  We have a difference in opinion about something, and with all my being, I believe that I’m biblically “in the right” about the issue.  It’s chafed against me, causing “righteous indignation,” as the person’s way of dealing with the issue has, I believe, caused others to go astray.  Somewhat embarrassed, I can tell you that my go-to-tendency is to get irritated, to talk when I can of my irritation, and to go round-and-round constructing well-crafted reprimands to say to her, either for real, or in my head.

Thankfully, I have a small group of women I’m in contact with who speak the truth in love, and one of the things I’ve heard from them is to “let it go.”  They don’t mean to forego confronting an important issue, but rather, to commit it to prayer and be willing to wait for guidance on what to say, and when to say it.  But how do I do that?  Especially when I’m right?

 

How do I wait patiently before addressing an important issue, letting God determine the timing and process?

 

I begin by prayer.  By that I mean intentional, ongoing conversation with the Lord about this person.  When I’m tempted to tell her what I think, or to “sound off” to another person who knows the situation (and I tell myself it’s for advice, or for commiseration), I instead tell it all to God.  Mind you, He already knows.  But talking to Him about it is genuinely sharing in a safe place.  He’s not going to go blabbing to others.  He loves this person more than I do, and He loves me too.  He’s the only One, actually, who can do anything about the situation, and the bonus is that He’s going to work on me in the process.

Something incredible happens to me as I tell God about this woman and the situation.  First, I get it out.  I vent.  It lifts the load somehow because I’ve shared it.  I’m real with Him, too.  I dump it out, and I let my ugly show.  He already sees it anyway.

Then I begin to see from a new perspective.  As I tell my Papa all my frustrations, learned scripture begins to come back that sheds Truth onto the problems.  Past experience reminds me of good, and of not-so-good, ways this thing can be handled.  And sweetest of all, I begin to think of this person the way He does.  Clarity comes and I may see that yes, she’s wrong.  But also, I am.  I begin to ache for how the areas she handles incorrectly will bring her harm.  I see in a new light how it may harm others.  Almost invariably, this realization drives me to pray more, to ask God to intervene in ways only He can.  It drives me to have a heart of love toward the person I believe is wronging me.

 

When I drop everything to pray about a difficult person, I also begin to see myself in a different light. 

 

The still, small voice of my God reminds me how close I am, always, to making some grave error that will harm me or others, and of how many times He has stopped me, or saved me, or forgiven me for those errors.  He begins to challenge me, “little one, but for my grace, that would be you.  And it has, time and again.  Give grace.”

 

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Sometimes, and far less often than I might like, He calls me to speak the truth.  In-all-capital-letters: IN LOVE.  When I’ve genuinely walked this little journey of God-talk full circle, He may take some of those truths, and some of the wisdom He shares, and ask me to speak it to the person I began praying for.  But something has happened by this time: I now long to share it for the good of that person, and for the purpose of reconciliation.

I don’t mean that the person will always like me, or be happy with my words.  It might even cause emotional or relational division.  But if my heart’s longing is for their best, for their ultimate deeper reconciliation with the God who made them, and if my involvement is infused with gentleness, speaking the truth has a bigger purpose than my personal opinion, or my status of being liked.  Now when I speak, I’m not seeking retribution or personal gain, but am willing to be used, literally, for the good of another.  Now, when I speak, I’m not just not seeking my own elevated status, but I’m willing to be put down, to build another up, eternally speaking.

 

Prayer changes everything.  When I give God control with my words, it changes me, and allows me to be used for GOOD.

 

 

Praying for someone doesn’t always get magical results that match my requests.  It doesn’t always change situations.  But when I pray “in earnest,” and “without ceasing,” it always changes my heart.  Whether it drives me to speak up or be quiet, it teaches me and grows me closer to the likeness of my God.  It creates in me a new heart, a new mind, toward another.  Praying for another literally changes my heart, my mind, and my actions toward that person, with the potential to bring them good in the bigger picture of God’s kingdom.

 

How has God used prayer to change you?  How has He used your brokenness for another, for good and Glory?

 

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Legacy Leaving | Intentional Grandparenting

Their hands rest side-by-side as they chat over my mama’s life story.  Gently, she fingers each charm of the bracelet she’s had for decades, and she tells of each memory represented by a small charm, determined to pass these  along and leave a legacy, this portion through the trusted heart of her only granddaughter.  My girl listens intently, jotting notes in her scrolled but neat handwriting, precisely documenting so she won’t forget.  This act of legacy leaving is intentional grandparenting, and more, it’s intentional relationship that is a gift to each one of us.

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As I watch from the adjoining room, I’m ever-so-grateful for the gift that is memory, the intentional way in which my mom uses pockets of time to instill in her grandkids the story of the past, so they can carry it to the future.  I’m thinking of the moments we’ve made together, the spoiling I’ve had in friendships with older women than me.  It’s bittersweet to realize there are moments lost, but it renews my commitment to foster friendships with those in my season and those well before me, to share what I’m learning with those who are yet to walk the paths I have walked.  I want to connect with those who are like me and those who are different, because I know I have something to give, and something to gain, in doing it.

 

Sometimes, it’s hard work to connect with those who are in a different season of life from ours.  But it’s oh-so-important, because each one of us has something to teach, and something to learn.

 

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On the issue of grand-parenting, I’m thankful that our kids have family who is intentional about building genuine relationship.  From cross-country visits, to annual hunting trips, to trips back to the growing-up-home of their grandpa, they’ve been blessed to build memories.  Those memories teach my children what is forever-important, and I know they will impact their own parenting, their friendships, and their marriages.

 

My second son has moved to another state to work and to explore what God has in this season and the one to come.  He’s independent: fiercely independent.  But as he stretches his wings, he’s also reaching back, keeping ties strong as he knows how.  Recently, he texted me and asked about my family.  In talking with a new friend, he realized he didn’t know as much as he’d like to know about my aunts-and-uncles-and-cousins-and-sibling.  It was so cool to have a few moments to share those with him, to do my own legacy leaving, and I know there will be more stories to come.  I hope even more, that he will build strong ties with his own siblings, and create beautiful stories to pass down to those who’ll come after them all.

 

Legacy leaving is sometimes uncomfortable, but as we stretch to give to others a piece of ourselves, we grow, too.

 

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I had to twist arms (almost literally!), but recently, my mom and my daughter sat down with me and shared live on Facebook about intentional connection with others in different seasons of life (click to view).  For my mom, doing anything “live” and on camera, is an act of sacrificial love… and in this case, one of intentional grandparenting.  I’d love to know your thoughts, and how you’re learning and growing with others in different seasons.  Share your own thoughts below?  And be blessed!

 

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