the waiting.

always just over the horizon, the future lies unknown.  Papa seems to delight in surprises, and one never knows what lies behind the clouds.  is it more haze, more invisibility, more unknown?  is it a flash of brilliant orange and gold, striping the evening sky?

i’m never without awe when i go to capture a portrait at the beach at sunset.  there’s a hush that falls over the visitors, almost invariably, as the sun takes its leave for the day.  young and old alike stop, and believing or unbelieving in the One who made it, they stand appreciating its loveliness.

clearwater beach photographer legacy seven studios j

our family is in a period of waiting, for what seems to have been so very long.  i’ve told many a friend that it feels like desert… not knowing what “the purpose” is for this season, not always seeing the fruit of labor, wondering if this present business is calling or avoidance thereof.

many times, i look at my own brokenness, that of those i love, and i think, “nothing good can come of this.”  my temporary hopelessness taints everyday beauty, and i miss the glow of what lies over the disappearing line of the future.

and yet, in the midst of grey, streaks of color light our horizon, and we hear and see that even if we don’t have all the answers, even if we don’t see the signs that what we are doing every second holds eternal significance, He does.

one heart friend reminded me once, that maybe it isn’t desert we’re wandering in when we feel lost, for desert represents repercussions for our disobedience to what we know we’re called to do.  rather, it’s possible that it’s wilderness, where we just can’t see the future.  it’s just possible that our soul’s love doesn’t want us to know it all, but rather to soak in His beauty along the way.

it’s possible that He desires to give us flickers of what we’ve walked through and what lies forward.

we learned recently that the light we see at ocean’s edge is actually a reflection of the sun beyond.  when we watch sunrise, we’re seeing the light still to come.  when we take in a sunset, we’re watching the light that has gone ahead of us.

so in life, it’s possible that when i think He’s been gone from the darkness, and i see a flash of hope-light, He’s gone before, and i still see Him leading.  and when it seems the future looms dark, the brilliance of His light piercing the dark is the Sonrise that has not yet happened – a foretelling of what He holds for the future.

the thing is, i have to stop and watch for it.  the sunset may go unnoticed, and so, too, may the Son, my Papa, who holds out hope and beauty just past the line where my eyes can see.


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4 Comment

  1. Reply
    Valerie Montgomery
    March 30, 2014 at 12:30 am

    Absolutely beautiful blog post Ang! I have no doubt that you are redeeming this time of waiting and blessing many each day as you walk by faith, even though not seeing clearly. Your post reminds me of a poem that has been meaningful to me during the times I’ve found myself in God’s waiting room…

    “Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
    Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
    I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
    And my Master so gently said, “Daughter, you must wait!’

    ‘Wait? You say, wait?!’ my indignant reply.
    ‘But Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
    Is Your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
    By faith I have asked and am claiming Your Word.

    ‘My future and all to which I can relate
    Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
    I’m needing a “yes”, a go-ahead sign,
    Or even a “no” to which I’d resign.

    ‘And Lord, you promised that if we believe
    We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
    And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry;
    I’m weary of asking; I need a reply.

    Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
    As my Master replied once again, ‘You must wait.’
    So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
    And grumbled to God, ‘So I’m waiting…for what?!’

    He seemed then to kneel and HIs eyes wept with mine,
    And He tenderly said, ‘I could give you a sign.
    I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
    I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
    All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be
    You would have what you want, BUT you wouldn’t know Me.

    ‘You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint;
    You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;
    You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
    You’d not learn to trust by knowing I’m there;
    You’d not know the joy of resting in me
    When darkness and silence were all you could see.

    ‘You’d never experience that fullness of love
    As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
    You’d know that I give and I save…for a start,
    But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

    ‘Or the glow of My comfort late in the night;
    The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
    The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
    Of an infinite God who makes what you have last.

    ‘You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee
    What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
    Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
    But, oh, the loss if I lost what I’m doing in you!

    ‘So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
    That the greatest of gifts is to get to KNOW Me.
    And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
    My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT.'”

    -Author Unknown

    I sure hope I haven’t just broken an unwritten blog rule and posted something WAY too long… I’m just going to trust that this was Spirit-led and serves to encourage your heart today. 😉
    I will be praying for you and your family as you continue to wait…

    1. Reply
      March 31, 2014 at 1:08 am

      val, sweet heart-sister… your words are so encouraging and such a great reminder of His faithfulness! i remember you once telling me about something else that you were praying if God took away that thing He was allowing us to struggle with, He would bring us something greater than we imagined. the next few weeks brought us news of our fifth baby… 🙂 love to you and yours!!!

  2. Reply
    your a-girl
    April 3, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    this is so encouraging! i’m thankful for this journey that we get to go through together and i hope the Lord will help us to encourage each other through it all!
    love you

    1. Reply
      May 12, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      baby-girl, it is an honor to be your mama. thank you for sharing your heart with me, and for teaching me daily what it means to be a Jesus-girl.

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